Tattoo Removal Good or Bad?

As some of you may know by now- I am pursuing a degree in Mortuary Science.

When we hear the words Funeral Director, we automatically get the image in our heads of a man dressed in a black suit and tie with a very expressionless look on his face; the picture perfect vision of professionalism.

So what about the hidden images that are out of view of the camera?

That’s right, tattoos.  We all make mistakes, and that’s okay.  Yet, we think of them as being offensive and in some cases just not a good idea for certain professions.

Tattoo removal has made huge leaps and bounds for removing that unsightly neck tattoo that you received in Las Vegas when you weren’t in your right state of mind. Thankfully, places like New Look   offer laser tattoo removal for those bad decisions.

You can go from I heart Lisa 4-ev-r to:

*Insert whistling sound here*

In as little as 3 to 10 treatments Lisa can be gone.  The best part is, that I heart Lisa 4-ev-r can be moved.  Don’t stop loving Lisa, just move her somewhere that the suit can cover.

Generation X vs. Y

It’s two days before Thanksgiving.  A time of thanks to be given.  A time for being grateful for lifes gifts and accomplishments.  A time to look forward to being with family and friends, cuddling up with hot chocolate (coffee for me) infront of the fireplace or television and just being happy with the people in our lives.

In my family, this isn’t the case.  My family could care less about aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, or second cousins all being together for such a wonderful time of year.  It seems as though my sister and I were thrown to the wayside to make our own little traditions, since they ones we had for years and years were pulled away from us rather quickly.  But- that’s ok, more turkey for my sister, me and my mom to Om nom nom on.

  This also rings true with the three women standing behind me in line during a small Employee Artisans* and enjoy free coffee & pastries event.  The event is wonderful; pick up some homemade thoughtful presents for your loved ones, and the proceeds help students and their families with tough times; very very wonderful indeed.

The line is long, as anyone should expect when free coffee is provided.  Caribou Coffee I might add.  I am standing in line and these three women are talking about students who didn’t get in to certain programs offered at my school.  They state that these students would come in to their offices over and over again trying to get in to the programs, yet these office dwellers would just pull out the student’s refusal letter and shove it in their face.

How could a person be so foul and cold?  These students are going above and beyond a refusal letter.  They are showing their dedication to wanting to secure their futures.  I see it as a vast step towards showing that they aren’t what these three women soon talked about.  The dredded Generation X.. ( Insert spooky dun dun dun music )

Now Generation X people are said to be from the years 1965-80.  There is massive amounts of other websites that say different years, so I will just round that number a tad.  Generation Y is the years 1977-02. (See the weird gaps I am talking about, I have concluded that this is just a way for people to point their fingers and not deal with the real issue.).  So I decided that there has to be some differences in the future that these two generations in comparision to the baby boomers.

Annoyingly, the first statement on a website says this about “the baby boomers”:

“As Baby Boomers took their time to grow up in a world that beckoned them,

built malls for them and seduced them into adulthood kicking and screaming,

Generation X was pushed toward adulthood at an age earlier than any other recent generation.”

This article also goes on to say a couple more things:

Gen Xers spent less time with their parents than previous generations of children had.

First recognized as latchkey kids,

This generation found themselves home alone and taking care of themselves and their siblings, while their parents worked.

Divorce was common.

They were not coddled for every emotional need and want.

 Autonomy and self-reliance, rather than respect for authority, was a natural byproduct of the Generation X childhood.

Gen Xers learned independence early in life and turned it into a valuable hallmark as they progressed in the working world.

Just as Gen Xers were about to hit the workforce to make their mark in the world, the economic decline at the end of the 1980s occurred.

Suddenly the future looked crowded.

Due to all of the hardships that we have endured because of the baby boomer generation, for example scandals like Enron, or the collapse of the major banks, the stock market, or anything really that was dealt to us in the baby boomer generation.  Baby boomers had to deal with their twisted fate and whined about it the whole way.  They are in their 60’s now and upset that they still  have to work, they have to retire soon with little money, and they can’t do the things that the generation X and Y are making for themselves.  Was it maybe the poor decisions that they made?  I would tend to think so.

So here we are working side by side with a generation that has ideals of a different lifestyle than what we have as X and Yers.  All is well, a 60 year old working alongside a 22 year old.  Yet, because we are young whippersnappers and feel the need for jeans in the workplace we are “not suitable” for this life and just don’t go above and beyond.

Excuse me?

Do I not work two jobs? Do I not go to school fulltime? Do I not scrape every penny I have together to buy a loaf of bread and cheese?  I work my A$$ off to provide for myself.  I have to start my retirement fund now because I WONT have social security to live off of when I am old enough. You took it. Baby boomers strolled through life having government funded programs thrown at them so that they could live comfortably.  Now there are funded programs so baby boomers can go to college for free,  $3.6 million of funding to be exact.  I am slowly drowning in debt to provide a future for myself, and the future is still being handed out by the handfuls to baby boomers.  Where’s my break?  Where’s my secure future?

Oh- that’s right.  I work my buns off for myself.  Yet, we are looked down upon because we want to see the world or experience all that we can in our life times because we wont have the same opportunity as our parents. 

In another article about Generation X, it says:

In short, “GenXers are doing the quiet work of keeping America from sucking.”

So what about Generation Yers?  We ask questions, we demand answers, we want the truth, and we want you to explain why something is the way it is.

Doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.  Maybe it’s because Generation Y’ers are scared that they will be sucked in to being just like Generation X’ers.  If they don’t demand to see what the consequences will be, they will be shoved in the dark to do the dirty work.  We want to know what will happen so we are weigh out the results.  Yet it seems as just with everything else that was handed to baby boomers, they still don’t know the answers and wait the answer from another source.

Don’t punish us for cleaning up your mess

Those students that demand to find an alternative way to get in to college programs?  Help them.  Don’t hate on them because it took you until the age of 50 to finally get that desk job.  Don’t ruin someone’s career and future because you are pissed annoyed grumpy that you made bad decisions salty.

I say this here and now.

If you get denied the ability to take your life and your future further.  Battle until your fingers bleed.  Demand an answer.  Demand a secure future.  Don’t let these assholes less than giving baby boomers take away what is rightfully yours.

Fight for your right- to parrrrrrrrtayyyyy.

Just come out and say it.

Easier said than done my friend.

I have probably stated before that I am crazy over analytical. I don’t like to become mad where anger isn’t warranted. I don’t like do become jealous when it is not effective. However, most of all- above everything else- I like to think before I speak.

This means that when there is something on my mind, I will think about it for days on end. I will think about every angle the conversation will go. Well if they say this, how will I respond to get my TRUE point across without stumbling all over the place and getting caught up in my feelings to where my mind goes blurry and I am left without a resolution to my problem.

In every relationship I have ever been in, I can say that it was like a was a mid-20s girl living a 16 year olds relationship style. I have never been in a relationship with a MAN.

So why do I call him Boy? Only because it’s cute ^_^

I have never really been in a screaming match with a partner to where I have been so angry that only aggression and yelling will help resolve my feelings. I simply have an adult conversation to express my feelings in a standard situation. There really is no point to yelling when issues can be fixed with just a simple conversation.

And that is how it has been with Boy. He thinks that maybe sometimes yelling will be needed- I guess we will see

Boy and I are both divorced from past relationships that just wern’t what they were supposed to be. In my opinion, that’s great! Now he is MINE! ^_^

This is where the jealousy kicks in- THE DREADED EX. Dun Dun Dun…

We all know “The one person”-“who made that one mistake” that never can get over what they did, so it bothers them their entire life. (We have all been there I am sure) But- in this situation, it’s putting a burden on my life with Boy, and that is not ok!

So- after a week of thinking about how to approach the situation, and getting friends perspectives from the male and female side ( I am sure both of them are eagerly awaiting the day when they don’t have to deal with my neverending conversations about how I can’t figure out life issues on my own.) But- I am sure they will always love me just the way I am. ^_^

I am sitting in the backyard enjoying the evening cool breeze and my love comes home to greet me with Oodles of kisses and smiles.

Boy always knows when something is bothering me- and always says: What’s wrong.
-I have been thinking about something for the past week and I don’t know how to talk about it quite yet
– Just come out and say it.
– I don’t know how to say the words properly so that I don’t sound dumb.
– Just say it however it comes out.

Blah, if it were only that easy.

This is where I begin to stumble all over my words:
– II tthink that yyour rellationsship wwith your ex-wife is innappropriate.
(Wow, I am a blubbering idiot)
– Oh yeah?

Crap- Well, yeah, duh… I said it, but how do I get to proving my issues…. poop….

Along the next 15 minutes I am reassured that I am wonderful, nothing is wrong, and she’s an ex for a reason. He will help her understand where she needs to be now that he is in a committed relationship.**
I feel hopeful for the rest of our long lives together that it will never become an issue and that Boy loves me more than any thing.

But- why am I always so worried? Is it because for once in my life I am in a real- Not 16 year old “OMG where u @ it’s 6:30pm and u ain’t home txt me back relationship?

I mean- I am sure that is exactly why, and maybe these feelings I have for him are finally real.. Oh- I cross my fingers that I am right.

Well ok, I won’t cross my fingers. I know that that is why. Horray for finally being a grown up in a grown up relationship.. Ahh what a relief.

** Outside of the relationship, if she doesn’t learn her boundaries, I will “learn” them for her. >:)

Six Feet Under

My mother always tells me stories from her past. They usually stick in my head like glue, and every once in a while they come running out the doors of my “Duddits” files and alert me of how I can use them in current situations.

She told me a story about two years ago when she dated a mortician. She said it was very hard to be around him because of the way he smelled. He would ignite a room with the smell of embalming fluid, and it was very difficult to even kiss him without the smell going right up her nose. I have first hand-on several occasions had my face deep down close to this very powerful smell, and yes- it isn’t pleasant at all.

So how does this relate to me?

For the past two years I have been attending college for a degree in Mortuary Science. Why do you ask? It came to me one day when I realized that art has been past its prime, and the average person didn’t respect art for what it truly is. Nobody really swoons over how magic art can be, and how that one piece that speaks to you can stir up a lot of inner needs that need to be expressed. I mean- sure, people go to art exhibits and pretend to be some awe struck person with their fake accents pretending to be some big shot and that they know all about art. Honestly- these people are the ones that will go to Mr. BrainWash shows and think that he has nothing to do with Andy Warhol and think that he came up with these awesome new ideas all on his own. Whatever- you’re an idiot for paying $18,000 for a Campbells Tomato soup can cleverly changed in to a can of spray paint.

Anyway- back to the topic- Since people do not respect art in the way it was say 200 years ago- what better way to do art than to work on the newly deceased. The thought of displaying my art to mourning family members and displaying their beloved just the way that they remember them would give me the same satisfaction as trying to get some art gallery to not hide my painting with a swastika on it. ( They hid it in a closet upstairs stating it was too racial, but I thought that was the point of art- who knows.)

I applied for my first possible job working in a funeral home yesterday, I am still crossing my fingers and toes that I will at least get an interview so I know what to look forward to in the future.

But as for the smell thing- I just really hope Boy likes the smell of formaldehyde because I am pretty sure he is going to be smelling it for at least the next 20 years.

Oh- and 6 Feet Under is one of the best shows EVER!

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One of my favorite things about living in Colorado

Ok, maybe I can’t state it as being “one” of my favorite things, because it takes a huge spectrum of things. I am sure you’ll get the point though.

I LOVE living in Colorado.

There are so many things to do, see, explore, enjoy, learn, and enlighten yourself on.

I have lived in a couple different states, I mean- I am not a well knowledgeable person on the vast differences there are in the states, but, the states that I have lived in are very different.

And what I have learned is that, Colorado is where I want to be.

Boy and I decided that we would take a road trip sooner “rather than later” to see what this wonderful place has to offer, and maybe-just maybe there would be a place that we can settle down in the future that will make us happier than we are here. I think that this will be doubtful.

Boy and I have the same outlook on where we want to live in the future: in the mountains with no one around, and at least a half hour drive to town. What more could you want? I mean- if I have to haul water to my house, I will be so happy! The thing that makes me smile more and more everyday is that we have such a similar outlook on what we want for the future of our lives together and that he always helps me in any way that he can no matter the situation.

On a side note, isn’t that view gorgeous? I love that I can take a drive with my handsome for nearly 45 minutes and have a view as wonderful as this. I’m sure that even if we find a happy place somewhere else, I won’t care as long as it is with him.p>

Quit using your children as an excuse!

Seriously, it pisses me off. Stop it.

I have made it a life decision to not have children. If you love your children, GREAT! WE keep surviving as a society by reproducing and more power to you for doing it. But do not hate on me because I don’t have/want children.

First, just because you have children doesn’t mean it is “okay” to be lazy and say that you couldn’t do this or that because you have kids. Honestly, like what are you trying to pull? And then don’t say that I don’t understand what it is like because I don’t have children. “Yeah I know, I didn’t choose to have kids for a reason.”

Second, Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean that you can just make me work on holidays like Christmas and New Years. I like to have awesome days off of work too! And then don’t say it doesn’t matter because I don’t have kids to enjoy this splendid holiday with.

Third, “Oh man having kids is so hard, I didn’t get any sleep last night, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, you don’t have kids that wake up at random hours of the night.” I’m sorry what bitch? My time is loaded with crap to do, and seriously, I will punch you in the face if you use the kids crutch one more time. Oh, and by the way, I saw your facebook status this morning at 1am, you were at the car, and by that sloshed out face pic you posted for the world to see, looks to me like you were a little bit tipsy!

Fourth, “Oh I can’t help with the college project that’s due next week, my kid was in the hospital.” Really? I was up until 11pm with a massive headache and a wicked bad case of food poisoning, but some how I did my part of the assignment.

Seriously, if you can’t figure out time to deal with your life choices, or those accidental one night stands resulting in a huge case of the I don’t remember who that guy was and now I have a leech growing inside of me , get chemically castrated.

I want to punch someone right now.

To every season: turn, turn, turn.

Boy stated the other day that he had been thinking about asking me to move in.  And I am not quite sure if it was a questioned statement. or just a statement.

But in any case, my mind went in to crazy hyper overdrive over analytical doom! The only way I could sort our what was going on in my head was to write him a letter. And this is how it went.  I hope some day that I understand my lizard brain.

It is very far and few between, that I have noticed when you share your thoughts and ideas.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I really like that about you, because I don’t have to worry about what you are thinking and you come to me when you want to talk about those said things.

As you have probably already noticed, I am a crazy over analytical person, and because of this my mind always goes a mile a minute when I am faced with something new that I have to make a decision on. It is like time slows down and I am racing through my brain looking at all the possible scenarios to questions and then I shove them in to two categories  and then start marking them off one by one. Take this letter for example. I can’t figure out how to explain to myself the way that I am feeling, so now I am answering it in the form of a letter to you. I am not sure when you are actually receiving this letter or if it even applies to the current situation, but this is me and I am sure you are well aware of this.

I have been carrying on random conversations to try to figure out what I have done in the past about this current topic and I have realized what has happened.  I was told today that sometimes the best thing to do is jump in with both feet and either sink or swim. That is exactly what I did with the first guy I lived with. I didn’t care what happened and had the courage to sink or swim and learn the little mistakes that happened along the way and how to make those little mistakes better and fix them.  Now granted in my first living with another guy experience I was young and stupid, and we got married at an age where marriage wasn’t a great idea. And I always hated myself for that decision. Every time I look back on those years of my life I realized how young and oblivious to the world I truly was. And I hate that my idea of what a married couple should be is now jaded.  I don’t accurately think that my first experience with living with another guy was necessarily a bad one, as we had known one another for a great deal of time, got married and then lived together, but his drinking was an issue for me that he could not get a handle on, so I have always looked at this relationship as one to put out of the back knowledge of relationships.  Where my grasp on relationship reality began, started with Jesse.

Jesse and I lived together for 5 years, and during those years, I learned what a true relationship was all about. I learned boundaries to have in a relationship and I learned that sometimes we don’t need to be around each other all the time in order to be happy, and that there is a fine line between our time and our own time.  Once I learned that I figured out how to be happy with myself as well as happy with the relationship, everything molded together wonderfully.  That relationship set the boundaries on what I wanted out of living with someone and what I expected in return from the person I chose to share my life with. I really enjoy doing all the things a 1950s house wife should do. I want my man to be happy with what I can and will do to provide for him.

Because of my marriage I was so angry after Jesse and I had split, that I had finally broken down and hated men and the like in general.  I wanted nothing more than to be happy in a relationship and to provide for someone in a home based manner that I was so angry that it did not work that I finally had enough.  I hate myself for what I did to men in wish nothing more than to go back in time and see beyond my hatred and not have lived with any guys until I was ready to settle down with one I truly cared about.

When Ian and I split back in June, I had made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t use men the same way that I have been. For the first time since I had started using men to get what I wanted, I actually felt remorse for what I had done. I hated what I had done in the past and couldn’t believe what I had been doing all those years. I promised myself that I wouldn’t live with another guy until I felt that the time was right.  I decided that I wasn’t mentally ready to tackle another relationship due to my selfish ways.

And then you walked in to my life.

Over this past 4 months I have realized everything that I missed about being in a relationship with someone that is actually an adult.  Someone that actually cares and respects me.  I know that I had found you and you respect me, because I respect myself once again.  I have never been happier, with age, wisdom, and respect for myself: what I had been wanting the whole time finally came back in to my life.

I try not to let my strong emotions show through as much.  All I really want to do is pounce on you, shower you with affection, and never let go.  I can’t remember a time when I have had this much passion and excitement towards another person.  Honestly, it scares me half to death.

The other day when you said that you had been thinking about asking me to move in, it scared me other half to death.  And it wasn’t because I have made the promise to myself to not live with another man for a long time, but because I wasn’t afraid of the question.

I lied to myself at that point and said that you would have to say the “L” word. When in reality you don’t have to say it before I would move in.  Actions speak louder than words. I just panicked and looked for an easy way to get out of the conversation.  I didn’t have an answer and I didn’t know how you wanted me to respond.  I think I failed that test. 

Now that I look at it, I did have an answer, the answer was an automatic yes and it freaked me out.  When time slowed down and my mind started going in to crazy hyper drive and I analyzed everything, I realized that I would be delighted living with you. Experiencing a life with you, instead of beside you. I instantly wanted to build that greater relationship bond with you, and build our relationship in to what we want it to be.  Battling relationship qualms with one another instead of beside one another.  I haven’t had these feelings since I lived with Jesse and that was almost 9 years ago.

I don’t know what it is about you.  But I always want to be a better person and do right by you. To please you, pamper you, and make sure you are taken care of in any manner that you need.  I find myself wanting to make sure you are happy and comfortable.  I guess in a sense still being that 1950s house wife.

I always have to giggle when you talk about the future.  When you talk about living together, or building a house in the mountains, or the only reason why I want you to work in Alaska is so that I we can live there together.  It is the little things you say when you aren’t paying attention that make me so euphoric that I can barely breathe.  My heart melted the other day when you looked at me and smiled and said that a simple little piece of hair was so cute. It made me want to cry from being so blissful in that moment.  Being in your arms makes time stand still.  I have never felt such strong feelings for a man before in my life. I guess I have found what makes me happy and never want to let go.  I knew it would come along one day.

No matter how fast or how slow things happen between us, I am here for the journey. I do not want that journey to be with anyone else. You are my muscle and I want to be your sanctuary.

 

A Random Conversation with my Bestie!

I could actually use some more insight or opinions, because well, I don’t know what to do! But here is a conversation for your viewing pleasure:

Erin-I’ve seen the commercials.  Ok, so I need your perspective, Boy said the other day that he is going to make me a “key”WTF does that mean?

Kortney -For his apartment/house?

Erin-Yes, for his house

Kortney-That means he likes you, he trusts you.  Or he thinks you’re crazy controlling and if he doesn’t give you a “key” you’ll break up with him. 🙂

Erin-brb

Erin-Back

Kortney-Hi

Erin-Haha shut up

Kortney- So yes, crazy controlling, key, break up 🙂

Erin- I actually came to a realization yesterday

Kortney-So what the hell do you mean WTF does that mean?!  What’s that?  🙂

Erin-Ok, well the conversation doesnt end with I am giving you a key,  But there has to be a side story,

Kortney-:)

Erin-So, ok, Sunday night when we got back from the ski resort, I assumed I was going home, (this was after said key giving experience)  and he said “Don’t forget to lock Turner in the bedroom when you leave”. and I said Oh, I was assuming I ws going home, I don’t want to cross that line.  You know, of over staying my welcome, and he said there ws no line to cross.

Kortney- Ok

Erin-And then I realized, that I am not in control of our relationship, and thats why I am freaking out, he doesn’t really show his emotions to me in the lovey gushey kind of way.and I dont know what the hell I am doing!He hasnt popped the “L” word yet, and is still giving me a key,So I dont know what is going on , and then He says he has a really speical surprise for me tonight, that is mostly for me but for both of us.SAHHHHHHHHH I do not know what to think or do right now, because I am not the one making all the shots.

Kortney-Haha!You’re hilarious.Ok, so. You’ve been calling the shots in relationships past, right…?

Erin-Well yeah, but I really don’t want to mess this one up, I acutally care about Josh,. (weird I know)

Kortney-That’s kind of what I was going with. It hasn’t really been working with you calling shots. 🙂

Erin-Well, I was calling all the shots, because I really didn’t care.

Kortney-It’s true.

Erin-But now I am totally lost!

Kortney-Hehe and you don’t know what to do. You’re so cute.I love you to pieces.You just let things happen if they’re good. Just roll with it.

Erin-Ok,but I’m scared,I dont wanna mess up, Is it a game? Am I supossed to leave? Should I stay? Will he think that now that I have a key, am one of those clingy girls that never wants to go home?AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Should I go home more often, so that he chases me more? Should I stay the ususal amount of time so that he doesn’t think that I got scared by the key? I;m having a panic attack

Kortney-🙂 Breathe, woman! Stay tonight, obviously.

Erin-OOMG boys are confusing!

Kortney-🙂

Erin-Well, yeah that has already been established.  And he said I can come over to do homework whenever I need to sinec Andria is always loud and annoying

Kortney-🙂  So you spend the night over there now how often?

Erin-Yes, Every Friday and Saturday night,I leave on Sundays because I have work

Kortney-Ok.So I’d still do that, just not this weekend, of course! 😉

Erin-Why not this weekend?

Kortney- Because you’ll be down here, silly!

Erin-  You want me to come back down?

Kortney-What? I thought you were staying. 😦

Erin-No, I have to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  I am only free tomorrow

Kortney-  Boo.

Erin-I know. I suck

Kortney-I’ll forgive you just this once.

Erin-I can spend the next Thursday-Sunday if you want me to 🙂 

Kortney-:)!!!Ok, so anyway.. Back to Boy..

Erin-Yes yes, My dilemma

Kortney-I’d say, stay over like you have been. Don’t go over there unannounced or when he’s not home to do homework, but start saying “I’m going to come by to do some work if that’s cool” rather than asking…And accept, if you want to, when he asks you to stay other nights.It’s his place, but he wants you to be comfortable being over there. Just respect his space, but also don’t make him think that you’re trying to push him away.

Erin-Ugh, it is such a fine line!I’m going to mess up

Kortney-You’re not going to mess up.You’re going to go with the flow and do all things with

Erin-OK, I can do this.  Ahhh. normal relationships are weird.

Kortney-You can do this! 🙂  Nah!

My First Snowboarding Experience

So, about a year ago I bought a snowboard.  One thing I hate about living in Colorado is when you meet someone from another state, they always go “Oh you live in Colorado, you must be awesome at skiing.”  The answer is simply “no.”

Actually, for the past 26 years and 363 days, I have never went skiing or snowboarding. And now I know why.  That crap is hard!

Last  year I decided I would learn to do some type of winter sport since all the sports I do are in the Summer, you know, the fun months of the year.

I really shouldn’t have waited until I was almost 27 to go out to a ski resort and get on my board.  Man, am I sore.

So, the ski resort Boy and I went to is a meager hour and a half away from where I live.  So, it’s great when you want a morning out of town and something to do.  So, the ski resort has this awesome deal which is called a “Three Class Pass”, where you get three classes and then you gain full access to the mountain, and I am sorry, but two more lessons is not going to equip me with the knowledge and the courage to tackle those mountains! Those bunny slopes should be called DEVIL EVIL DEATH REINCARNATED SLOPES!

I have been at work since 8 o’clock this morning and I still can’t feel my ass or neck.

Man, I can’t wait until my next lesson! Next Sunday here I come! And this time, I am strapping a pillow to my butt.

** Disclaimer::::

For anyone who chooses to go to a resort, it truly is a blast, and i highly recommend learning, you aren’t cold, and even when you take your boots off they are a steamy…. and for those annoying ski bums, when they are if you found any fresh pow today, simply say no, but I found some ice at my first lesson, they will promptly walk away.

My recent battle with OCD

Last Friday the 1st started out as any other day. My boyfriend (whom throughout all of my posts will be referred to as “Boy”) and his room mate were moving in to a new place and I had agreed to help them clean their old place as well as the new place they were moving in to.

First, I would like to point out that boys are just gross and dirty in general.  Boy always asks me if things smell bad and need to be washed. Well, if you have to ask that question, the answer is always yes, but I always respond to Boy by saying, well it smells like boy.  Some day he might get the hint.

So the sun rises and my day begins. I wake up to instantly put on my glasses, roll over to close the lap top which I use to fall asleep to movies, and light up a cigarette.  I go about my normal morning routines following the stated, but we will leave the morning routine for another blog, and I make my way on the half hour journey to Boy’s house.

We can skip over the cleaning of the old place and move on to the cleaning of the new place. Just pretend you read sentences including, Eww, gross boy hair everywhere, How did you get that place completely filthy, and If you don’t cook why is the whole kitchen so disgusting?* This is where the fun begins.  I decided to stay out of the way of physically moving things and just stick to the cleaning.

The previous tenants did not clean anything whilst moving out, and destroyed carpets, did not clean up after several pet dogs and cats, and I am pretty sure they did not clean for the entire year that they lived in this once beautiful house.  Now, I can stand cleaning up after Boy, I kiss his face so I shouldn’t have as much trouble cleaning his toilet, they both contain gross bacteria, and well, gross is gross no matter the level.

Have you ever seen an episode of Hoarders? THIS PLACE WAS DIRTIER THAN THAT! Ugh, It took me 4 hours to clean half of one bathroom. This house is going to take me weeks to clean.

I could spend hours sitting here telling you the details of the grime that I found on the ceiling, or how I can’t figure out how anyone would sit on that toilet seat.  But this certain blog isn’t about my mind and the way it works while I look at grime, but rather the initial reaction of Boy to seeing my full blown OCD for the first time.

Boy and I have been dating for about 4 months, and he too battles with OCD.

When I first met him I decided that since my relationships in the past have been so horrible due to my HPD, that right off the bat I would tell any one that I had emotions towards of my issues and see if they still wanted to pursue a relationship.  Little did I know, but Boy also has a disorder. Boy suffers from Manic Depressive Disorder as well as OCD.  So now in this relationship, we have Miss HPD/OCD and Mr. Manic Depressive OCD. To top it all off we have the same birthday. ( I wonder how long this relationship will last)  And even though I have my issues he said he would stick around.

It was to my amazement, when I found myself finding hard to breathe due to all the chemicals from cleaning, and the most likely Upper Respiratory Infection I just gave myself, that when I was face pushed up against the wall with vinegar to get out the smells of previous tenants, that Boy came up to me and said, “Erin, I would like you to stop cleaning when you are done with this wall.” and without hesitation when I finished, I quit. The other three walls in the bedroom are still dirty, but I quit.

I don’t know what he did to me, but I quit.  As I am sitting here writing this, I still can’t figure out how he helped me stop.  Usually, I don’t stop. I will wash walls six times before I can stop. I will shower for 2 hours because it is not good enough.

I even showered at his house when he asked me to not go home to shower, and my shower routine changed. What the hell is going on?

Is he helping me battle my OCD?

* I would like to state that I am pretty sure the level of dirtiness was granted to two adult males living together without the aid of a female, and I am most likely over reacting.